Today I decided I’ve had enough and that its time to finally buy my first car.
I recently got a new job making a pretty modest salary and my life has definitely improved.
This is only a byproduct of now having money to afford some of the things I want and be able to pay my bills without stressing each month.
I’ve noticed that i’ve had a much calmer mind these days ( Thanks to daily meditation at 6am each morning ) but also my overall well-being has improved by having peace of mind financially.
Before getting this job I was making around 10k a year and let’s just say…
IT WAS A STRUGGLE.
Of course, money isn’t an end-all-be-all but if you can improve one area in your life in the next 1-2 years:
IMPROVE YOUR FINANCIAL LIFE.
This area leaks into all other aspects of life from dating to our decisions.
For example, today I had an opportunity to buy my first car.
I went to the dealer ship with cash and money available to get what I wanted.
However, something just didn’t sit well with me.
I had clarity to really think things through – and ultimately be rational and logical about it.
The dealership worked everything out.
The car drove well.
Everything seemed great and the deal was ready to be made.
However, something wasn’t sitting well with me. I’m not sure what exactly it was but it was something.
Maybe it was all too fast.
Maybe I wasn’t 100% confident in my decision.
It would have been instantly gratifying to walk off that lot with my the exact car I wanted but something told me….
“Not yet. This isn’t the right one for you.”
So what did I do? I negotiated a bit because after all maybe the gut feeling was that I simply felt I was paying more than the car is worth.
We haggled. The salesman brought his manager in.
His manager tried to play on my conscious with his bullshit story about “the man who started this company….” and they generally pulled out their best cards.
I wouldn’t budge. I felt in my gut that something was off and I felt like this was not the best deal for me.
They tried again to break me down and break my frame.
I looked them both dead in the eye and declined and told them I was walking away, in the most professional manor.
Todd the sales guy looked devastated.
He almost had one.
Part of me deep inside did feel bad for the guy because he generally worked hard and I know how hard it is to be a car salesman.
It’s generally viewed as a sleazy job.
But no fucks could be given when it involved myself and my future.
So I walked away. Not feeling an ounce of pitty because as soon as I decided to walk away I instantly felt better and that gut screaming feeling I had went away.
I also felt stronger and as if I have more willpower than ever before.
I almost had the car i’ve been wanting for the last 2 years in my hands…
Oh the gratification.
But I still had the courage and strength to listen to my balls, say no, and walk away.
This decision probably could have saved me from aches and pains down the road
After I left the dealership, I really thought about it.
If I did not feel as if I was in a position of power I don’t think I would have been able to walk away from the car dealership and say no.
Because of my new found purchasing power, I simply know I have options because I have the money to afford those options.
I am by no means wealthy or balling on any level, but am beginning to build a solid financial life and when you do that, you’ll have more clarity and more control in delaying things because you know you can do better or know there are other options out there.
So, if there is anyone recommendation to guys my age, younger and older is to do everything you can to improve your financial life and you will begin to see other areas of your life fall in place.
Importance of Practicing “Living Below Your Means”
This is one of the best pieces of advice I can offer when it comes to the art of money.
One of the reasons i’m beginning to enjoy new found financial freedom is the fact that I have lived on roughly 10k for the last 2 years.
No, i’m not proud of this and not suggesting you do the same.
But what I am suggesting is that it is VERY possible to live on half of the money you make.
Now that I’m making several times more than that, I still live as if I earn 10k per year without effort.
Mainly because I’ve trained myself to become accustomed to a very frugal way of life.
Lately i’ve been doing a bit of excess spending on things like clothes and books simply because these things put my in a position to earn even more money and educate myself;
So the art of money is simple and it doesn’t take a 1,000 word article to get the point across.
Take your net income after taxes and divide it by 2.
This is now the money you will aim to live from in the next 6 months to 1 year.
Your goal is to get down to this level. If dividing by 2 doesn’t leave you enough for your rent, it means you are probably living somewhere that’s too expensive to begin with you need to seek out cheaper living arrangements.
If you absolute can’t then multiply your current net salary by .60 or any number up until .75 and aim to live from that.
I promise if you do, you’ll enjoy your money more and have more clarity in financial decisions as you aren’t always strapped for cash.
You’ll be able to put your money to places that you really want to put it instead of putting it where society tells you. i.e, buying a brand new car, buying a new home, taking lavish trips and charging it to credit cards and on and on.
Practice living on this income for a year or more and your life will improve 1000%.
You’ll have more money for savings, more money to travel, and more money to be able to say “FUCK YOU” to any situation you aren’t happy with, including your current job.
Drop a comment below and let me know your thoughts!
Today’s post will seem somewhat of a tangent but if you really read – you’ll get the message.
I plan on using a few ideas to pave the way to my main point.
So listen up.
One thing I see people struggling with (something i’ve struggled with as well) is this idea of “possession“.
This plays out very clearly with dating and relationships especially.
So I’ll be using dating and relationships as a platform to clearly get the point across and give you food for thought.
Often times people seek to OWN the other person.
Whether they realize it or not.
It’s very subtle and often times it’s mistaken for love or how much we care about a person.
“This must really mean I love or care about the person? ” – right?
This idea of “ownership” comes naturally because we are shown this reality from society, Hollywood, and even friends and family.
Love or nothing.
Marriage or loneliness.
Relationship or meaningless life of pointless hookups.
Very black or white thinking.
I propose that we approach relationships from a place of freedom and happiness from simply being able to share experiences with another human.
Not seeking to own or posses.
One of the biggest challenges to dating and relationship is this idea that a person “belongs” to you.
This is inherent and even though most people don’t consciously think about this – It doesn’t mean it’s not there.
Most people will disagree that they DO NOT seek to own a person in relationships.
Of course – the natural thing to do is to deny.
But if you look at their behaviors, this couldn’t be further from the truth.
Fact: Most of us don’t know ourselves as good as we think we do.
For example, let’s take Guy.
Guy meets Joan.
Joan is a great girl.
Has a job. Her own place. And generally seems like a “good catch” as a independent woman.
Guy begins to date Joan.
Soon after, he starts becoming jealous at the fact that other guys approach her, ask her out at work, and she generally gets endless attention from waves of guys.
Guy feels jealous and insecure about this and doubts himself deep down inside.
He doesn’t realize that this emotion is simply an obsolete biological response from our caveman days when women and reproducing was extremely scarce and we had to fight and protect the women we had.
This is no longer the case.
so a man being jealous is simply an obsolete emotional holdover from Brutus the caveman.
It makes no sense in reality in this day and age.
Although Guy believes he isn’t showing any signs of jealousy – Joan feels the subtle changes and his energy seeps through.
But since he is a great catch as well, especially for her future – she continues to be involved with him.
Eventually they enter a relationship after guy decides it’s his only chance to “lock her down” and goes for the hailmerry.
…or else face the agonizing feeling of “the girl that got away”. *eye roll*
Deep down, she wonders if Guy REALLY likes her and cares about her genuinely.
Or does he wish to lock her down from his own deep-rooted insecurities and fear?
She can feel this but will never mention or say anything because she knows he will never reveal this.
So they eventually enter a relationship.
Guy progressively makes his life about Joan and their future.
Joan does care and loves Guy in the beginning.
As time goes on, Guy gets more attached to Joan, becomes more jealous and inevitably more controlling.
and then…the many faces of the issues that caused him to jump into the relationship begin to show.
Arguments become a regular thing and Joan generally challenges Guy at every opportunity because she senses Guy is weak.
No women wants a weak, emotional, jealous
Eventually Joan reaches a breaking point and suggest a “break”.
Guy is devastated.
What went wrong?
Well, Guy simply failed to realize one thing.
IT ALL ENDS. AT SOME POINT OR ANOTHER.
EVERYTHING has an ending.
He failed to ask himself – “if it all could possibly end eventually, then WHY get into it in the first place?”
I am by no means suggesting that anyone shouldn’t get into a relationship. But suggesting always questioning the reason and bring it back to center.
So what I suggest is that we approach relationships from a place of pragmaticism.
If it lasts until death do us part, GREAT but either way, it still ends.
Nothing truly lasts forever.
The issue is that we often look for “completion” from someone coming into our lives and giving everything meaning and purpose.
All the long days at work.
Hours put into building a body.
Years of education.
Majority of the time we fail to ask ourselves one simple question:
Why are we doing the things we do.
Why are you getting into a relationship with this person?
“Because I love them.”
– But do you really? How do you know you do? Because you “feel” it?
Does loving that person mean you need to be in a relationship with them?
These are difficult questions to ask because they often take us to deep-rooted insecurities and issues that we have been living with the majority of our lives and don’t want to face.
They also challenge the reality we’ve been taught to believe from such a young age.
“Well that’s just the way it’s always been.” – Very basic low-level thinking which happens to be 99% of people.
Okay, you’re in the relationship.
You guys are together for two years. Do you guys get Marry?
If so then what…
I know this seems robotic and very rational thinking but this is the reality of it.
We often like to believe in this fairytale reality and magical love.
Like the Disney movies right?
So why question your feelings?
Because – What you feel MAY, and often times is, coming from other places than where you THINK it is coming from.
You may think you want to be in a relationship with someone because you FEEL it.
But do you REALLY feel it because of the that person?
Are these feelings intensified because you feel the need to get married soon?
Maybe you’re afraid of being the “lonely old man” or “lonely old women”? ( Which is bullshit by the way)
Maybe you seek to find meaning in your life and the sacrifices you make to be better and improve yourself.
Bringing meaning to it all….
Maybe you’re getting older and want to find someone to “be with”. or the “clock’s ticking”.
These are just some examples.
This isn’t black or white but tends to be very complex because people can have a plethora of reasoning threads that no one will never know.
But if you answer the – “WHY question” rationally and realistically, you will be surprised at your reasoning for making the majority of the decisions you make.
Especially jumping into a relationship.
So I challenge you:
Before making a decision to get into a relationship, marry someone, have kids, buy a house, buy a car, get yoked in the gym – Simply ask WHY and dig deep.
Pull back the layers.
It’s challenging to do this because we are taught from kids to follow our passions, follow our hearts, and to following our feelings.
It’s okay to have these emotions, and I’m not suggesting you turn them off.
But what I am suggestion is to ALWAYS QUESTION YOUR REASONING.
The goal is to make sure you’re doing things FOR YOURSELF and not out of fear, insecurity, co-dependence, emotions that change with the wind, or some other reason deep inside that only you know.
Be selfish in this regard because you are approaching it PRAGMATICALLY and rationally.
The reasons behind anything you do should be for YOURSELF and your love for life.
Realize that all things end and eventually we are left with ourselves after it’s all said and done.
Will you look back and see a life well-lived based on what YOU wanted?
Can you live happily by yourself and alone?
I promise you, if you begin to find the reasons behind the decisions you make you will begin to make better decisions that are more in-line with what you truly want out of life versus what you FEEL and THINK you want.
Either way, it all ends one way or another.
So do it or don’t.
P.S So drop a line below and let me know your thoughts!
What i’m listening to:
You Don’t Matter That Much: How To Not Give a Fuck
One of the key steps to giving less fucks is to realize:
YOU DON’T REALLY MATTER THAT MUCH.
Yeah, harsh I know. BUT this is one of the most liberating things you will ever read.
Sorry to break it to you but if the world rested on your shoulders we’d all be fUcked.
You can wake up tomorrow morning and convince yourself you’re a martian and proceed to walk backward and the world really doesn’t give a shit.
The world will still spin.
Money will still be made.
Businesses will still be built.
Babies will still be born.
Nothing changes because of you and your decisions.
You can literally go talk to a girl you see and proceed to say the dumbest shit ever and guess what…
No one will give a shit.
People may look for a hot second and then they keep it pushing.
No one really cares.
But wait, there’s more.
That girl that you’re talking too, there’s news:
SHE REALLY DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU.
OR YOUR CAR
OR YOUR INCOME AND JOB
OR YOUR DOG
OR HOW HARD YOU WORK OUT TO KEEP A FIT BODY.
You just don’t matter that much.
Seriously, think about it.
You see, the biggest problem with most people (specifically Men) is that our egos are too invested in two things:
Who we think we are based on the feedback we get from people.
Example: if the feedback you get from people is that you’re a responsible and stable person then guess what? You tend to become more invested in that identity.
This is a big one and one I struggled with and never realized it.
Most small people have big pride and seriously think they matter that much and must live life-based on what people expect from them and what society expects and must live up to expectations.
and if they were to fail? – Oh God, the world will be destroyed! Oh no!
The reason is this.
No one really wants to face reality and realize they are LITTLE.
People want to think they matter a whole lot and people WANT you to think you do too. It helps them be comfortable in their own bullshit too.
It’s a defense mechanism of sorts.
Pride is one of the heaviest pieces of luggage you can carry in your life.
Ironically, most people are so use to this burden that they don’t even realize it’s there anymore.
“If i’m not where I want to be by 30, then i’m a loser” – Typically thoughts of a prideful person.
“If I don’t get the next girl I talk to or not able to get sex when and where I want it, then i’m a loser and women just aren’t attracted to me”
These are the thoughts that are draining you and keeping you from what you want.
These are FACTS.
Don’t believe me? – That’s fine, you don’t have too.
Here’s the interesting part:
1). People who don’t care if they get ass or not….guess what.
They get more ass than YOU.
2). People who are fat.
They get more ass than you because they don’t give a fuck and accept themselves.
3). People with zero motivation, broke AF, and no ambition and are totally okay with that
Get more ass than you.
If you’re ambitious in life and set out on a path, don’t wonder if you’re doing the right thing or get caught up in a vicious cycle of comparing yourself to people.
You simply follow your path and follow it with 100% effort and not stopping constantly to wonder “if you’re doing the right thing”.
Fuck that noise.
The reality is, WHO KNOWS.
I don’t. Your mom doesn’t. and you don’t either.
There is no right thing.
There’s only what we do and what we build. Whether that goes “right” or “wrong” is all left up to perception and interpretation.
So in the end, does it really matter if you’re doing the right thing?
Does the world rest on your shoulders based on your decision to do what you think “is the right thing”?
And if it did, we’d all be dead yesterday.
If you have absolutely 0 ambition but you LOVE your life, there’s no reason to ever qualify yourself or feel like you have something to prove.
If you really think deeply about it, I would stretch to say that this person has killed their ego and pride.
They inherently realize they DON’T MATTER THAT MUCH.
*This isn’t an excuse to be a lazy fuck by the way*
There are NO rules for life other than eating, sleeping, breathing and surviving. Everything else is just add-ons we’ve made up.
Money, dating, marriage, jobs, reproducing( not required ), clothes, words, relationship standards
IT’S ALL MADE UP.
You could decide to live your life in the Amazon and dedicate it to training anacondas to be loyal to you and that would make only marginally less sense than what we do as “civilized” people.
So really think about this:
You don’t matter as much as you think you do and life is a funny as hell if you really think about it.
Stop acting like every single decision/action in your life matters and the world is resting on that decision.
ACCEPT what and who you are. Accept yourself.
This is the most liberating thing you’ll read and the most important step to NGAF.
and read it again.
As many times as you need daily eventually you will internalize it.
Drop your thoughts below and let me know what you think!
1). You Get To Share Your Philosophies.
People often ask me questions and i’ve found myself enjoying the process of giving answers and assisting people with their lives based on MY OWN experiences in life.
Everyone has a philosophy. Whether its built by life experience on from reading, that’s neither here nor there.
What’s important is the fact that EVERYONE has some sort of philosophy.
The sad part is the vast majority don’t share or leave behind their philosophy for future generations or even for the current generation to see and draw ideas, inspiration, and their own philosophies from.
2). Writing is like Meditation
This is one of the hidden facts about writing.
It’s serves as form of meditation.
This fact is often overlooked due to the context we are often required to write in: work emails, essays for school, thesis, etc.
All of these are essentially forced writing as we aren’t free to speak and say what we want. We must use a FILTER in these contexts.
Well not with blogging.
Blogging allows you to write about whatever the fuck you want to write about and not give any shits whether someone likes it or not.
As you write, it forces you to be present with your thoughts, feelings, and ideas.
That’s if you want to produce good writing.
If you aren’t present, you’ll find that it’s hard to formulate and convey your thoughts in a digestible manner.
You’ll be all over the place and a reader will be lost.
So this is what forces you to be present.
3). Words Last Forver
Even after i’m dead and gone. The words I bleed onto this blog will last forever.
Even if this site vanishes at some point after I am gone there will always be an archive somewhere out there, i.e., sites like Wayback Machine literally takes multiple snapshots of your live website and archives it to be browsed at any given time!
Even if your blog changes.
It archives the entire site exactly how it was at the time of the capturing.
Bottom line: These words will last forever.
One way or another.
4). Provide Value & Make Money.
Let’s cut the bullshit.
It takes money to purchase a). a domain b). a hosting provider c). a WordPress theme or take my time to develop one myself (Which i’ve done here). d). and last it takes my time to write here.
Although you may enjoy this, who wouldn’t love to profit from the sharing of my ideas and philosophies with the world.
Ultimately my personal goal is to provide as much value as possible in every post I write, the products I create, books I write, and on and on.
The goal should always be focused on maximizing the value provided.
Naturally, the world provides monetary value based on the value YOU provide.
Eventually, you always get what you deserve before it’s all said and done.
Instead of saying
All about the Benjamins, it should read:
ALL ABOUT THE VALUE.
5). Write About a Wide Variety of Topics if You Choose to.
No one can tell you what to write about.
From regular life shit that happens toyou, stories, theories, dating, love, what planet humans will live on next, fashion( a topic I love by the way), cool books your reading to cool gadgets you find randomly.
It’s all yours to share and have no filter or be afraid of getting fired.
6). Forces You To Live and Grow
This is a big one.
One of the things i’m very excited about is the fact the Dapper and Savage FORCES me to live what I preach.
Truth to power.
It also forces you to live life as if it were a movie BUT, but, but, but with the requirement of documenting it all.
This is good because if you ever stop “living” and fall into complacency, you will know because it will become harder and harder to write new articles.
This simply a warning that you’re not living enough.
It will always give you that kick in the ass that majority of people lack in their lives.
7). If You’re an Artist, Your Blog is Art
I consider myself an artist.
From salsa dancing to my career as a front-end web developer/designer.
It’s all art.
When I first set out to build this blog I designed it as if it were an art piece.
Having a blog allows you to do the same and become a artist.
Think about it.
The possibilities are ENDLESS with an online business.
All it takes is dedication, motivation, persistence, consistency, and putting in the work.
Sounds like a lot?
It’s not more than you would be required to put in at any regular job….
Really consider that.
Remember, you MUST put in the work to get the life you want. Otherwise you will die with the life you’ve been dealt.
This is something I am internalizing daily.
It’s a harsh truth.
Until next time.